As a 21 year old my
friends are growing up, me not so much.
They are all in serious relationships, living in their own apartments, moving
away, graduating college, and having children. I have yet to accomplish any of
these things, is it me? I like not
having the adult responsibilities. I like not having to worry about paying
bills or the next big step. I like not having a baby at home to worry about. I’ve
always been considered the responsible one, but maybe I’m not. Maybe I’ve
avoided any sort of responsibilities and avoided any sort of trouble. Looking
at it now makes me think that I’ve wasted a lot of time.
I didn’t
realize just how little growing up I’ve done till recently when I watched a
baby for the first time. I’ve babysat before but never a little one year old.
As I try to spoon feed the baby spaghettios I realize I’ve never had to feed a
baby. Getting some of it their mouth is an accomplishment, in between her fascination
of the TV screen and juice bottle. I’ve never had to play endless amounts of
hide and seek, patience is definitely a virtue. I’ve never had to decide if an
object is ok for her to have her little fingers on, hoping it won’t find its
way into her tiny little mouth. I’m completely shocked by the things that they
find fascinating such as single strands of hair and the necklace that dangles
from my neck. I’m surprised by how
similar to grown men they are when they grab at everything and have to stick it
in their mouths, or how the word “no” flies over their heads. But in the end
there smiles and giggles are everything.
Lately
I’ve been wondering what it would be like to have a baby, to live on my own, to
have a real job. I wonder if I could handle it, if I’d still be responsible or
fall apart completely under pressure. I’m beginning to think these things aren’t
in the books for me, that I’m just going to skate by on life not having to face
anything of major concern. I don’t want to skate alone anymore. I want the hassles
if in the end there is someone looking at you like I’m their world.
