As a 21 year old my friends are growing up, me not so much. They are all in serious relationships, living in their own apartments, moving away, graduating college, and having children. I have yet to accomplish any of these things, is it me? I like not having the adult responsibilities. I like not having to worry about paying bills or the next big step. I like not having a baby at home to worry about. I’ve always been considered the responsible one, but maybe I’m not. Maybe I’ve avoided any sort of responsibilities and avoided any sort of trouble. Looking at it now makes me think that I’ve wasted a lot of time.
I didn’t realize just how little growing up I’ve done till recently when I watched a baby for the first time. I’ve babysat before but never a little one year old. As I try to spoon feed the baby spaghettios I realize I’ve never had to feed a baby. Getting some of it their mouth is an accomplishment, in between her fascination of the TV screen and juice bottle. I’ve never had to play endless amounts of hide and seek, patience is definitely a virtue. I’ve never had to decide if an object is ok for her to have her little fingers on, hoping it won’t find its way into her tiny little mouth. I’m completely shocked by the things that they find fascinating such as single strands of hair and the necklace that dangles from my neck. I’m surprised by how similar to grown men they are when they grab at everything and have to stick it in their mouths, or how the word “no” flies over their heads. But in the end there smiles and giggles are everything.
Lately I’ve been wondering what it would be like to have a baby, to live on my own, to have a real job. I wonder if I could handle it, if I’d still be responsible or fall apart completely under pressure. I’m beginning to think these things aren’t in the books for me, that I’m just going to skate by on life not having to face anything of major concern. I don’t want to skate alone anymore. I want the hassles if in the end there is someone looking at you like I’m their world.